Decorative concrete flooring- many looks and application uses for home or retail

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.

Bridal Shower Cupcakes

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" 

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" 

Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" 

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing and the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing." He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."

"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. 

"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Cute baby boy shower idea...

This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sex in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious tits" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim dick". So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious tits?" the dad panics and says, "It's a fine coat". She then walks up to the mom and says, "Hey mom, what's a slim dick?". The mom panics and says, "It's a pair of boots". Later on that day, everybody's getting ready for the Holiday. The girl walks past the bathroom and sees her dad shaving. He cuts himself on the cheek and shouts, "Shit!". The daughter then asks,"What does shit mean" and the dad replies, "I'm shaving right now sweety". The girl walks into the kitchen and sees her mom trying to cook the turkey. The mom accidentally drops the turkey and shouts, "Fuck". The daughter then asks, "hey mom, what does f*ck mean" and the mom replies, "I'm cooking the turkey sweety". About an hour later friends and family arrive at the door. The girl answers the door and says, "Hello everyone hang up your luscious tits and drop your slim dicks, my dad is upstairs shitting and my mom's f*cking the turkey".

Corn Souffle Casserole

SPONGEBOB GANGSTA RAP:

Yo, I'm living in a pineapple under the sea.
I got a blowjob from Pearl sitting under a tree.
I got Patrick on my side, and we don't give a f*ck,
Mr. Krabs talkin' sh*t, so we gonna f*ck him up.
Squidward is a prick, always acting like a b*tch,
Mad cause his nose looks like a f*ckin' d*ck.
We work the same job, but I make more cash.
I'm flipping Krabby Patties at the Krusty Krab.
Gary is my homie so he got my back.
Sandy got a big booty so I fap fap fap.
I'm well known in lagoon for my gap tooth smile
And Bikini Bottom bitches all love my style.

Christmas or Mothers Day gift idea for a grandma

A kid is at school and the teacher told him his homework was to find out what the 5th letter of the alphabet was. He went home and asked his dad.
Kid: Dad what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Because his dad is watching the footy he shouts
Dad: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!
He goes up to his mum and asks her what the 5th letter of the alphabet is.
Kid: Mum what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Because his mum is on the phone she replies
Mum: Shut up! 
He goes and asks his Little Brother what the 5th letter of the alphabet was.
Kid: Little Brother what is the 5th letter of the Alphabet?
Because he was watching the wiggles his response was
Little Brother: Chugga Chugga Chugga in my big red car!
The boy goes and asks his IPod what the 5th letter of the Alphabet was
Kid: IPod what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
IPod: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson!
The next day he goes to school and the teacher asks him what the 5th letter of the Alphabet was. 
Teacher: What is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Kid: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!
Teacher: Excuse me!
Kid: Shut up!
Teacher: Who do you think you are?!?!??
Kid: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson!
Teacher: How do you think you're going to get away with this?
Kid: Chugga Chugga Chugga in my big red car!

Bridal Shower Cupcakes

One day a kid was sitting at home waiting for his relatives to come over. He overheard his parents fighting with each other yelling "YOU BITCH" "YOU BASTARD".

Being so young, the kid had never heard those words before and asked his parents what they meant. They replied by saying "Bitch means lady and bastard means gentlemen". Satisfied with this answer the boy went to his room. 
Then he heard the neighbors having sex. They were repeating the words "DICK and "CUNT" over and over and over. Again, the boy was curious and asked his parents what those words meant. Thinking fast, his mother said "Dick means coat and cunt means jackets."

Once again the boy was satisfied with the answer and headed to the bathroom, but his father was shaving and the boy had to wait. Fearing that the boy might wet himself, the father shaved faster. He went a little to quick and ended up cutting himself, "SHIT!!!!!" he yelled. "What's shit mean daddy," the boy asked . The father, stuck for an answer said, "it means shaving cream." 
The boy did his "business" and his dad went back to shaving. His next stop was the kitchen, there he saw his mother preparing the turkey. As she reached for a knife she ended up cutting herself. "AW FUCK!!", she yelled. "What's f*ck mean mommy", the boy asked. "It means stuffing the turkey." 
Finally, the guest arrived, the boy went to the door and said, "Hello b*tches and bastards, may I take your dicks and cunts? Dad's in the bathroom putting shit on his face and Mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey!

Between the studs, storage in your tub wall!

 

 A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them! 
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good! 
Male readers: Please scroll down. 
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!! 
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart! 
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show! 
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Beauty Salon Nails And Spa Design Ideas

A kid is at school and the teacher told him his homework was to find out what the 5th letter of the alphabet was. He went home and asked his dad.
Kid: Dad what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Because his dad is watching the footy he shouts
Dad: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!
He goes up to his mum and asks her what the 5th letter of the alphabet is.
Kid: Mum what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Because his mum is on the phone she replies
Mum: Shut up! 
He goes and asks his Little Brother what the 5th letter of the alphabet was.
Kid: Little Brother what is the 5th letter of the Alphabet?
Because he was watching the wiggles his response was
Little Brother: Chugga Chugga Chugga in my big red car!
The boy goes and asks his IPod what the 5th letter of the Alphabet was
Kid: IPod what is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
IPod: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson!
The next day he goes to school and the teacher asks him what the 5th letter of the Alphabet was. 
Teacher: What is the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Kid: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!
Teacher: Excuse me!
Kid: Shut up!
Teacher: Who do you think you are?!?!??
Kid: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson!
Teacher: How do you think you're going to get away with this?
Kid: Chugga Chugga Chugga in my big red car!

Beautiful lighting and location for senior shoot

A girl was crying bitterly.
Mom: What happened dear?
Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch?
Mom: No!
Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?
Mom: No!
Daughter: Is my nose flat?
Mom: No baby!
Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog?
Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!
Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom?

american flag mason jars

dad: son get me a drink!
son: juice or pepsi?
dad: pepsi
son: hot or cold?
dad: cold!
son: sweet or salty?
dad: damn it just get me water!
son: still or mineral?
dad: MINERAL!
son: minty or normal?
dad: im gonna kill you!
son: head or body?
dad: head!
son: shotgun or knife?
dad: $%&?!)$&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All aboard the kitty swiffer ride!

 Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

A Quick and Easy Do It Yourself Firepit Surround

Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how succesful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a cardealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.
Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other 3 guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are
Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gay stripper
Guy 2: You must be so dissappointed with what he's done with his life
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a caste from his three boyfriends.